El Contesto del Donationso

Good Eeeeeeeeeeevening. </Al Kaprielian>

It is that time again, where I tell you the story of miniBeej (with NEW INFORMATION!), and you donate money in the attempt to win a contest.
This year’s contest?  A book-of-the-month.  I will mail the winner one book from my book collection every month.  If you tell me what you like, I’ll try and match it with what I have.  Free (well, tax-deductible) books!

Most of you know, but some may not, the story of Emma.  So, I’ll place it after the jump, but not before I place the donation link right here!  Click that, donate, and comment here, and you are entered into the contest.  Winners chosen after the relay, around 6/6/09 by random drawing of all eligible entries.

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Block - of the writerly kind.

I’ve been writing lots the past several months.  The problem is, it’s all been for school.  I’ve not had the impulse to blog (clearly), and my capacity for creative writing seems to be seriously dimished.

The latter part is really frustrating, too, as I have what I think is a great story all plotted out and ready to go…I just. can’t. write.  Usually, I am able to power through wirter’s block, by just spewing crap out onto a page until it starts becoming coherent again.  Now, I seem to be out of crap to spew (this blog entry aside).

So, internet folks.  You people write.  How do you get past the block?

Finals, baseball, and Beejy got Back

Buenos Tardes, Amigos.

Yes, sox fans, that was my tiny little tribute to Mr. Jerry Remy, who disclosed he is recovering from lung cancer surgery last year.  While it appears from his statement and subsequent news stories that he is physically ok currently and that the tumor was treated surgically alone, he rushed his recovery and had to leave spring training for some weeks.  He has also now left during the regular season to allow himself to recover completely.  He’ll be back sometime, and in the meantime, we will be treated to Dennis Eckersly’s mullet.

It is a good thing that the Sox are off today and head to the West Coast for some games against the Manny-free Dodgers this week, as I have me some finals I need to finish, and baseball is a distraction of baseballic proportions.  How can one write about the body systems’ abilities to maintain homeostasis when the sox are down by two with Papi on third and Jason Bay at the plate?  One can not, I assure you.

As far as school goes, I was nominated for the “MassBay Student Leadership Award” this past week.  While I don’t expect to win it, I think it was swell to be nominated.  This is allegedly the highest non-degree award the college can bestow upon a student, and I was one of seven finalists.  Mainly it comes from me not having a job therefore trying to kill free time.  I do lots of tutoring/helping with papers &c.

Surprisingly, I really, really like being back in school.  I have always felt like I squandered my first opportunity inside vaginae.  Not that that was really squandered time, mind you, but I was more interested in fornicating than formulating.  I was 21 and skinny, what can you expect?  Still, it was always one of my greatest regrets that I did not finish my degree, and I feel pretty swell about doing it now.  It might be community college, but it is college nonetheless.  Also, I heard last week that Barack (yes, we are on a first name basis.  We got close during the disastrous Cochrane-Obama-McCain debates, commiserating over many beers, some pick-up hoops, and liberal idealism) is proposing both grants for tuition and extension of unemployment benefits for individuals who are out of work.  If I can just get unemployment to pay me the >$10,000 they already owe me, I will be in good stead.

On a less fun note, the past three+ days have been an exercise in agony.  Some new form of back spasm has left me unable to sleep.  You know that white-hot feeling you get when you touch the seat-belt buckle of a car that has spent all day at the beach?  You know where your mind realizes it hurts before the agony comes?  That’s what my back feels like - ALL THE TIME.  It sucks.

Hopefully, this will pass.

What what in the blog?

Hey kids!

Apparently, I have a blog. I know it is gone long neglected, but I have been doing Important Things! (TM)

Well, really, I have just been job searching and muddling my way through my first semester of school, which is now almost done. I’m carrying a 4.0, which should go a long way towards getting me into the nursing program, which has 1,200 applicants for 72 seats. I’ve been writing papers - the last of which has been proving men: can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em. The following is an excerpt:

The physical unattractiveness of males extends to the very essence of maleness: their genitals. Sigmund Freud, when speaking of the penis, stated that we “never regard the genitals themselves…as really beautiful.” Sylvia Plath, in The Bell Jar, described the male genitals as a “turkey neck and turkey gizzard.” Camille Paglia goes even further in ridiculing the organ, saying it risks “ludicrousness by [its] rubbery indecisiveness.” Perhaps the greatest proof that male genitals are unattractive – particularly when compared to the female – can be found in the circulation of “adult” magazines. In 2008, Playboy had a monthly United States circulation in excess of three million copies, while Playgirl – which features nude photographs of men – had a monthly circulation of only about two hundred thousand (Etcoff 179-181).

Ah, college.

In other big news - miniBeej may be getting her voice back.  Depending on the results of a swallow study next week, she will likely be having a surgery this summer to reconnect her trachea.  I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am, and how hard it is to not get my hopes all the way up.
Wish us luck, pistoleros.

Murder in the First (grade)

Hola, Hombres!

I know, been forever, blah blah blah.  My life in general is a stream of monotony that I am finding it difficult to write about.  It bores even me.  Still no job, still abject terror, still boredom.

I did, however, spend several days this past week in miniBeej’s first grade class.    It was actually pretty fun - I love the kids, they are smart, and funny, and generally nice - and I have always been able to *get* kids (at least since I stopped being one), and they tend to relate to me.

There is one kid in this class who is a little…..different, though.  I found the unfinished letter below on his desk, with only corrections for spelling and anonymity:

Dear (other boy in the class),

I have decided to kill you.  My ninjas will”

I told you it was unfinished!  But seriously, is this kid a Blofeld in the making or what?  I mean, what first grader thinks “I have decided to kill you” and then writes a letter about it to the intended victim?    I expect the return letter would have been written after a conversation with Tiger Tanaka.

In personal news, for those who don’t already know, I was dumped a few weeks ago.  via. text. message.  Yeah, text message, if you can believe that shit.  Still, it was refreshing to feel like I was in junior high again.  I had Aaron give her a note that said “no way.  I dumped you first!”  Then I made out with her best friend.

Happy spring, all.

Quick check-in

Thanks all for your kind words. Things will be ok for me, I’m sure.

In the meantime, I’ve decided to post all of my writing/school stuff I’ll need to do in one place - mostly for my own reference/archiving, but if anyone else has any interest in reading what I’m doing (can’t imagine why!), feel free to mosey over to http://school.neuteronomy.com. Not much there yet, but I’m only one paper into the semester.

Scary Times

So this is about the scariest time in my life since I found out Emma was sick.

I was laid off at the end of November, and I haven’t been paid since.  I’ve basically exhausted my savings and other means of funding.  My stupid former employer has been tyring to hold up my unemployment, and I have been unable to actually speak to anyone in the office.  Ultimately, I know that I will receive payment, but it’s pretty dicey until then. I actually went grocery shopping in my parents’ pantry yesterday.

I’ve been poor before (read: 1993-present, mostly), but I’ve always had retail to fall back on if things got really bad.  Now, there are no retail jobs.  There are not really any jobs, at least any jobs on which I can pay my rent and for which I am qualified.  I have a few prospects, but nothing enormous.

I don’t mean to get all Sad Panda, but I am feeling overwhelmed.

To top it off, my former employer is working really hard to NOT be in compliance with federal COBRA law.  He’s canceled my health insurance - even though he has been notified of my intention to continue it - and is refusing to comply thus far.  It’s a pain in the ass that I do not need.

Also, boy does my biology class pack a lot of homework.  I’ve got a lab report to write, a homework assignment, 2 views of 4 slides to sketch, and a TON of reading for an exam next Saturday.  In fact, there is an exam every saturday.

Long and short - I am in a funk.  This too, shall pass.  LOST is back.

Official

As of late this afternoon, I am a college student.  I have a schedule, a tuition bill, and even a parking sticker to prove it.

Today was my first school day in nearly 13 years.  I had to attend the allied health programs information session, followed by my placement tests in writing, reading, and math.  It’s been nearly 16 years since my last exposure to an algebra book, and considering, I am reasonably pleased with my showing on basic algebra - I scored in the 80th percentile.  That did not translate, however, into the calculus and college math section.  I have never once studied calculus, and its functions remain mythical to me.  I scored somewhere between “Severely retarded” and “Drama major.”

On the writing, however, I was in prime form.  We were required to write an essay in one hour on the nature of human generosity after reading two mediocre essays about the personal effects of generosity on two nobodies who had something in the New Yorker sometime in the 60s.  Suffice it to say that I was able to incorporate the phrase “post-coital arachnid paramour” into the essay and scored as highly as one can score.  This means I have to take Freshman English instead of “College Writing Workshop” with Lab.  Blah.

So, meet me for some ultimate frisbee on the quad, kiddos, Beej RN is in the making.

Dear 2008

Eff you.  Eff you in the ear.

Seriously, 2008, while it had its bright moments, and is personally ending on an up note (despite the prick of a year trying to spoil my NYE plans - the FIRST NYE I have spent with a lady since early in my ill-fated marriage, I might add - with a douchey cold and snowstorm), pretty much sucked.  Good riddance to it.

Still, there was more personal good in this year than there had been in previous years.  miniBeej has fared better healthwise than ever before.  I spent my birthday at the beach.  I am not working at a job that I hate (ok, that is maybe pushing it a bit, seeing as I am not working at all), and I am recently dating a really, really great lady.  I got to do some swell sledding.  I got a hi-def TV.  I got world series tickets - who cares if I couldn’t use them?  I’ve made new friends, I’ve reconnected with old friends, and I have made few enemies!  Ok, so maybe 2008 in its totality wasn’t all that bad after all.

Already, however, I have taken steps to ensure 2009 is better than 2008 was.  I’ve just enrolled in school, and signed up for two prerequisite classes I need to get into the nursing program.  I tried to to this in the fall, but I let life get in the way.  I realize now that this *is* life, and I’m substantially more motivated to find a recession-proof career after being laid off 3 times in 5 years.  I’m rededicating myself to writing.  I have been a gym fanatic for the past month - this holiday week aside - and I feel physically better and have lost a good chunk of weight.  So what if 2009 will have no Bond movie?  Or Batman movie?  There are bound to be good flicks to see.  There will be new books to read - hopefully something from Allie! - new music, new adventures.  It’s going to be a good year.

So, friends - here’s to you.  May your 2009 bring you all that you want from it, and at the end of the day, may you be content with what it does bring.

It’s a New Look, Charlie Brown

Buenos Noches, Compadres!

What you see now may or may not stick around.  I’ll be putzing with new looks for neuteronomy for the next few days.  I broke the old neuteronomy, and I was kind of sick of it anyway.
What is everybody doing for the holidays?  It’ll be the crazy time for me.  My mother is visiting from FL, I have Emma for a few days only, and many xmas obligations.  New Year’s will be fun, though.  Mme Cupcake and I are having a little dinner party with miniBeej and CupcakePup (Here at neuteronomy, everybody’s anonymous!).  I’m very much looking forward to that.

On the other hand we might be snowed in until January.  We’ll see.